Breakthroughs
There are several moments where I felt called to do this work; to teach and approach self-defense in a holistic way. This is a story of just one of those moments.
Maria was on her back with Allison mounted on top of her like the weight of a skyscraper propped on top of her. Both of her hands gripped Maria’s neck. She wiggled around, but nothing budged. Her first response was to use her pit bull strength and brute force to pry herself out. I could see her heart pounding as if I were looking at a virtual EKG machine. She then held her breath and kept pushing. When nothing changed, I saw her veins' fear and frustration course. Her eyes filled up with tears, and panic overtook her. We had practiced this several times before, but this was different. I continued to hold space and let her keep trying. Four minutes later, her defeated gaze looked up at me and blurted out, “what do I do?”
I set the intention to hold space for her with my voice. I was not going to help her physically, but I wanted to navigate her through this with just my voice. “ Maria- I know you are scared right now, but I am here, and I am not leaving you. Close your eyes. Take three deep breaths. Beats of 3, then we will let it be, I said”. I waited and let her concentrate on turning her internal oxygen pump back on. I continued, “ I want you to imagine what you would say if you weren’t afraid.” I watched, and the wrinkles on her forehead formed. Then I said, “Your on this ceiling looking down at yourself; what does a confident and powerful version of yourself look like? What does powerful unfuckwithable Maria look like?” She giggled because, of course, I said fuck. There’s power in hearing yourself saying that word.
Holding the beat in between, I had her with my voice and asked her, “ Who do you fight for? Who do you need to get home to right now?”. Her energy shifted, and I saw a yellow and orange aura surround her. “ When you are ready, I want you to free yourself. We have done this many times; the body remembers. The body remembers, now go.”
Like a bat out of hell, she went and released herself. In 60 seconds, she bridged herself, carried out the trap and roll technique, and stood up. She gave me a hugged and squeezed so tight. We ended the session, and after she left, I sat on a white jiu-jitsu mat, balling my eyes out and talking to myself as usual. “What the fuck did I just do?” I thought. I asked that question, but I already knew the answer. I told her everything I needed to hear every time I was put in that position. I just gave her the gift I gave myself all those years ago at the Unleash the Inner Warrior in you workshop. The strength and embodiment that came with me learning those jiu-jitsu techniques drill after fucking drill, of the technique, the mindset building Allison supported me with, to find my inner “Wild Woman” and the gift I always had.....my voice. I can help people align these three things. I can stay with them in these traumatic and stressful moments and see them get to the other side. It’s because I was them.
To be continued.